


Winter's Pain

by ShiroStrawberry



Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 06:37:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17483039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiroStrawberry/pseuds/ShiroStrawberry
Summary: Winter is not the same these past years it seems~





	Winter's Pain

**Author's Note:**

> I've been transferring my short bits of writing from tumblr to here. This was written for a writing challenge event of sorts. It was for the first set of Bings, which are fortnightly writing prompts made by The Bleach Big Bang group, which I am participating in! They're lots of fun! This may become a fic, I don't know yet ;) Hope you enjoy~

Autumn has now begun to fade, the warmth now a memory as Winter has come to pass. The world has shed its beautiful bright colours, the sky no longer held its usual iridescent glow as a wash of grey covered the blue above. The first breath of winter sent chills through my world, and as the snowflakes began to fall, painting the world in white, I remember my life with you.

As I watch everything around me transform, the streets now pathed in ice and snow, just as how you’d leave a room in the wake of your anger. Your attitude was always cold and your temper stung like a blizzard of ice dancing upon my skin, cutting me deep with your words. But even in the biting cold storm that was your very existence, I found comfort in your cold embrace. I had grown to forgive the transition of seasons, and welcome the icy change as it set it.

The world around me was still shrouded in darkness, awaiting the waking daybreak, the only light that filled my view was the soft amber glow of a timid flame, lit just next to you. It flickered freely in the cool breeze that fluttered around me, flittering through my hair. That small dancing flame reminded me of how I felt as I had taken in your icy existence, apprehensive at first, yet took in your presence with pleasure. The delicate way the candle lit up the small space between us, giving off the faintest touch of warmth, reminded me of the way your kisses made me feel. Your lips held a sharp chill to them, but the way they felt against mine always made a spark of warm passion shoot through me.

My cheeks and nose stung with the cold that seemed to have taken over the heat in this town so quickly. Autumn had only just died out, yet Winter seemed to roll in with a fierce desire. Just like how your icy heart had taken over mine, with a powerful need to kill the loneliness in your soul. I happily surrendered myself to you so I could fill that void, filling you up with the love and companionship you needed. You had my heart and I, in turn, held your love in my hands, though so difficult to hold like snow, I held on with all I could. I kept that snowball of your affections close even through the pain.

The grass beneath me was wet with dew as I laid down a blanket so I can sit close to you, just as I have done for many years now. I watched the early morning fog as it hung low to the ground, the crisp cool air filling my lungs as I sigh a breath of contentment. This was how we’d always spend our mornings on this day, sat side by side as he watched the sun break the dawn, and light up the world once more with its divine beauty. You always loved watching the sunrise, you would tell me how much it reminded you of me and my wild mess of orange locks. It gave you strength when you weren’t with me for those long days when fighting took over our lives, and when our wishes for freedom from that hell was for nought as it continued to divide us.

This day was our day, however, despite the distance and the heartache brought on by war, our hearts stayed strong through these many years. When I’d see you again, my hand would be resting on yours, fingers laced together as our opposing body temperatures seemed to meld together creating the perfect warmth. We’d watch the sunrise together, on this day for over forty years.

But it seemed this time shall not follow that same ritual. As my hand caressed the cold stone beside me, fingers trailing over the written words beneath my touch. I could vividly remember the day they were carved into the stone, the day that snowball I held to my heart finally melted away. I remembered my last words to you, those same ones I had sighed against your lips countless times still played on mine as I whispered it to the new day. I love you, even as I watch the world around me, thriving against the bitter cold just as I try to thrive without my heart. Without you. This winter mourns your absence just as I, for it is not a peaceful cold like it used to be, but a harsh frost that is too much to bear. War has taken you away from me, but I shall forever be by your side, especially on his day. The world doesn’t seem as bright without you here, though I shall continue to watch the sky as it lights up each morning, my hand caressing the cold grave beside me where you rest. I shed another tear to add to the thousands I’ve poured over you. “Happy Anniversary Toshiro, I love you. Forever and always.”

_____________________________________________

As the fading chills of winter whisper their last goodbye, the remains of the snow that filled the world around me slowly ebbing away as the budding flowers break free once more. I have farewelled the passing winter with sorrow in my heart, the cold leaving me again with only you in my thoughts. I already miss the chilling weather that brought a sense of comfort to me, it had been like you were here once more, embracing me in your icy hold like you previously did. I have cherished the season every year for the past two decades without you. People say I’m crazy for holding onto your memory so tight, and maybe I am. I know if you were here you’d tell me to move on, keep my head up and let off the air of confidence and strength once more. And now that the cold has come to pass me by again, I feel as though, maybe, it is time to let go...

But how could I, when you are still so close to me?

Twenty years is not long in the life span of a Shinigami, I have come to learn that fact well. Ever since the day I had died and transitioned to the soul society, my life becoming part of your world, I have come to forget the world of the living’s beauty. I never come here, especially not in the many, many years of being a Captain. I had forgotten the way humans live their lives; the way of the soul reapers was now embedded into my being, my human life a forgotten past. I had no need to come back to this place nor had I imagined I would. Karakura was an unfamiliar town that gave me such an off-putting feel; knowing I once belonged here but not knowing anything was strange.

I hadn’t wished to stay very long, I was only here to find the source of high-level spiritual pressures being reported somewhere close by. It hadn’t dawned on me why I was being sent out to do such a mission, until now. I had simply followed what I had been told to do by the head captain, not even questioning why such a task is being given to a captain rather than a lieutenant or lower. The whole situation had me curious, however, especially since I had been reported to have been born in this town, and growing up to reach the circumstances that occurred made this a matter for slight concern.

But I had come to realise that the possible severity of the matter was not why I had been chosen to do this mission. Or at least, this was a coincidence with a much better outcome, having me be the one to find out. After all these years, through what felt like an eternity without seeing your beautiful face, it seemed you had truly meant what you said on our wedding day.

“Even through death, you came back to me. So I shall promise you, Ichigo Kurosaki, I will come back to you, no matter what.”

Your words played through my mind, your icy voice echoing, sending chills through my body as I heard it clearly for the first time in years. And it seemed your vow, the one that actually left both of us close to tears that day, had very much been kept.

As I gazed from a distance, hidden behind a tree like a child, I watched a young man sitting at a table. The sight was almost perfect and serene as he sat beneath a cherry blossom tree, a book perched in his hands as he had his chin propped up in his palm while he read. He looked so peaceful, obviously caught up in another world as he turned the page with haste. I took advantage of his oblivious state, creeping closer to the male before me. My heart was pounding and my body was shaking with anticipation as I approached, his face becoming clearer as I inspected him. There was no doubt, absolutely none in my whole being, yet I had to be certain. I dared to move even closer, which was where I had made my biggest mistake. Yet I was not angry at myself for probably breaking so many laws I didn’t know about. Instead, I was filled with utter happiness as the man before me raised his head, eyes still trained to the book for a moment before suddenly locking eyes with mine. That’s when everything stood still, I held my breath and my body froze, the park surroundings and all the pink of cherry blossoms fell away as I gazed into pools of turquoise that set the once dead fire in my heart ablaze once more. With that gorgeous snowy hair adorning a beautifully pale thin face, turquoise hues peering through thick black glasses. There was no doubt that your reincarnation was just as stunning as you were.

There was no mistaking it now, you had indeed come back to me, Toshiro. Though I can not say when or if our paths will ever cross again, or even if our lives will ever somehow find a way to be together once more, I shall pray for it. I’ll happily wait for you my love, if you ever do return to me completely. And if you chose to find your own life and continue to make a better world of your own, then I shall continue to admire the winter months, with you in my heart. Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Also, if you love to write, do art for or simply like to read IchiHitsu, than I encourage you to join my IchiHitsu discord server! :D You can find the link on my tumblr, the same name as here; ShiroStrawberry.


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